Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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