I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
