im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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