I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
