She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
