??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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