Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
