I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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