Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
