Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
