he thought i was a dude.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
