its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
