I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
