just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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