found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
