my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
