you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
