i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
