Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
