Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
