I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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