i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
