Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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