Non-Jews are for practice
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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