I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
