i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm bleeding and have questions
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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