He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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