Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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