Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
