yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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