Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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