The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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