My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize