You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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