You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
