For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can't just leave with hair like that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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