the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize