You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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