If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
