i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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