We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
