Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
