do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
