you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
