Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
