For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
