quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
