he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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