at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
