I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
