I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
