I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
