do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
