and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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