I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
