Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
