I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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