My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
