I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
