Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize