We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
