We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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