I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
