I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Success! We fucked roommates!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
