Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
