Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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