fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
