I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
