I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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