Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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