I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
