I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
