Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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