there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
