Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
