just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
