So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
smell my finger.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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