uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
