god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
